Love

Although I believe that many people have their own sense of REALITY, I think that just like beauty love is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes the love we get from our partner is not adequate, or up to parr. However, from their perspective the love they give is just fine. Where is the common ground? Who decides if this is love or not? Shouldn't we be loved the way we want to? Oftentimes, I look at women who are always in abusive relationships that to me seem unfufilling and hurtful and I realize this Love, maybe the type of love they want, or need. There are plenty of women out here asking for good men but aren't ready for that type of love. I've watched my own mother go from one abusive relationship to the next and finally, when she meets the man of her dreams, who respects her and treats her as an equal, she disrespects him and abuses him the same way those other men did her. Are we really ready for those things that we ask for?? For me personally, I believe love is the state in which one deceives themselves about someone else. When you are "In LOVE" you can't tell a good man from a serial killer. We see things how we want, we trick ourselves into accept those things we otherwise wouldn't deal with. I was once "In LOVE", I lost myself in that person, I would do anything for them. Even though we were on two different paths, I fooled myself into believing that our relationship was fate when in reality it was very destructive and one-sided. I would skip classes I was paying for to be with this individual, and it meant nothing to them. I made a lot of stupid sacrifices and choices. In the end after they cheated on me, I realized no matter what I did for them, how much I supported them, they were accustomed to being in relationships where people didn't care about them and they were not able to accept the Love I was giving them. It was their sense normalcy that I was attacking, pushing them to learn about themselves and realizing their dreams was too much. As a young single woman, I know that I cannot live my life like Carrie Bradshaw, but a little bit more responsibly. As women we have to realize who we are and what we want. Men or Women..whatever your preference is, are not like houses, they are not things we invest in to change and make our own. I'm not looking for any fixer-uppers, I can barely put myself back together let alone anyone else. Some women go through the trash looking for a mate then get mad when they get themselves someone who is reflection of that atmosphere. No One will treat you better than themselves, if they treat themselves like trash, there's no way they will treat you any better! Know yourself, what you want, and strive for it!!

False Reality

I've come to the realization that everyone has their own false sense of what is real. Whether its their weight, that they're in control of a situatuion, or that those $360 pair of pumps was worth an overdrawn account, I am convinced that everyone has their THING! That itch you always have to scratch, that flaw no one sees but you. I work amongst the most arrogant attorneys in the DMV and they all think they're the best! People take themselves too seriously and are way too sensitive. My THING is my ex. No matter what they say all I hear is "There is nothing I would want more than anything than to be with you". Call me Crazy but I already know I'm insane, but what's more horrifying is that people everywhere suffer from this same dissability. Now to a certain extent its totally true that my Ex wants to be with me, but "my own" sense of what's happening outside of whats real and tangible versus those things considered abstract are always at war! Causing me to oftentimes confuse the that which I see and hear and the message that THING is trying to get across to me. I know it annoys them for me to rant and rave about how much they don't love me because their actions are not consistent with their tales of love and admiration! Now when I am able to really think about it I feel a little sorry for them, it seems that many simple messages of love and adoration, of hope and faith in our relationship have somehow been transposed and torn apart en route from their lips to my ears. I'm always confusing myself, getting worked up and emotional, writing them off.....just to call them a few days later telling them how much I Love them for loving me despite my insanity. Everything in this World is run by a cycle. Our individual grasp of reality is one of those things. One day your fine the next, you've been committed to Saint E's. Whether a monthly recurrence or something that happens less often, they can be controlled. Bottom line stop causing yourself to see what isn't there. No you're not Dyslexic you just crazy, lucky for you the World runs on Insanity!